A Muslim woman recently asked for some general pointers for birth, and I want to share it with all women and people who are pregnant and just starting to try to make sense of all the information out there. This one especially goes out to my Muslim sisters.
1. Know your options
Because if you don’t know your options, then you don’t have any.
Know that there are different approaches to birth, and that working with a midwife is associated with a lower risk of cesarean and better outcomes. Know that your provider works for you, you don't work for them. Find out their c-section and episiotomy rates. Do they offer family friendly cesarean? Do they support VBAC?
Ask the right questions. Find the provider who is 100% committed to you, and if you feel like a just another pregnant body passing through their practice, find someone who sees you, you, all of you, you as a whole person with hopes, fears, expectations, preferences, emotional and spiritual and psychological and so many other dimensions. With respect. Your care provider may be limited in his or her choices, by the protocols of their institution or group practice, by their malpractice insurance, by their own trauma and fear, by his or her views about pregnancy and birth, and even by their work schedule.
Some questions only come up later in pregnancy, for example, if someone is carrying a breech baby and suddenly they’re faced with a provider who doesn’t offer vaginal breech birth. If you hire a doula (see below), then she will be able to run through your options and connect you with resources, or even a provider you feel more comfortable with.
2. Surround yourself with positivity
We live in a culture of fear around birth, in a medical culture where birth is pathologized. This is not globally universal, and even in the United States there are communities that just aren’t afraid of birth, as among the Amish, for example. But for the most part, people are just so scared of birth, and pregnant women are frequently subjected to scary birth stories. You yourself may have had a traumatic birth experience and now want and need something different for your next birth (and yes, people have profoundly healing birth experiences!).
Two resources I like for this are birth videos (see my playlist here) and The Birth Hour, a podcast with tons of birth stories.
I also recommend reading beautiful and positive birth stories. Here's one I love from my dear friend Shannon, a midwife in the Bay Area, and mine.
Know that as you're watching and reading and listening to positive stories, that your body is not different, that your capacity to carry your baby with joy and taqwa and your ability to birth with joy and tawakkul is no different from other women who walk away from their births feeling strong and humbled and joyful.
Lastly, bring positive affirmations into your life to remember what you need to remember.
3. Nourish your body
Fortifying yourself during pregnancy builds a healthy pregnancy, aids in a smooth birth, and is vital for a healthy recovery, making milk, and being well in the long-term. Do the best that you can to eat excellent foods (and definitely listen to this and then this). Take a food-based prenatal vitamin, not a synthetic vitamin. Eat your dark leafy greens!
4. Move your body
Movement is also nourishing, as well as connecting body and mind through restful but focused movement. Prenatal yoga is wonderful. I love this podcast episode on body alignment in pregnancy (there are tons of great episodes to listen to from Taking Back Birth). And, I strongly recommend chiropractic care in pregnancy.
5. Hire a childbirth doula
Seriously, the science says so! Hire someone that you feel supported by, and who totally reinforces your power. Don’t know what a doula is or does? And check out Doula Match as well as my Muslim Birthworkers Directory to find someone to support you. If you can’t afford a doula, ask around anyways as many communities do offer volunteer services.
6. Take a childbirth ed class…
…But not the one offered by the hospital. Take one that opens your eyes to how incredible you are as a birthing woman, and that reveals birth as an amazing process that happens through you, and which you and your baby and your partner participate in. I strongly recommend HypnoBirthing, but I also like Birthing from Within (the Birthing from Within book is fantastic and a great read, especially for people who process creatively). Look for a class that equips you with techniques for deep relaxation. The standard hospital class tends to reinforce birth as pathological, and trains parents in what to expect around standard hospital procedures instead of encouraging them to develop their own plans.
7. Prepare for the postpartum
Don't just learn about and prepare for birth, but actively prepare for the postpartum (this postpartum worksheet can help). You'll need rest, nourishment, time away from people and responsibilities, support, and lots of extra love, for weeks. Check out some of my favorite postpartum resources here, and dive deep into my Pinterest Postpartum Recipes board ;)
Mama is probably taking a well-deserved shower right now.
8. Connect with Allah
Use zikr to connect to Allah. Reflect on His Rahma for you just as you nourish a little one in your Rahm. Invite space in yourself to be curious and in awe of all that is unfolding within you and around you, and make space in your life to receive this guest and this gift.
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Questions?
I you feel like you'd benefit from a conversation, I do birth consults. We can talk about anything you want, but some suggestions are: determining what kind of experience resonates with you, what kind of care is appropriate for you, understanding birthing and pregnancy options, processing and releasing fears, anticipating the postpartum, and really just holding space whatever comes up in pregnancy and postpartum.
This is judgment free, for all kinds of births, all kinds of pregnancies, all kinds of people. I love companioning women through pregnancy and birth and postpartum, and what I like about these conversations specifically is that I can do them with women around the world.
